What does it mean to forgive? Describe a time you had to forgive yourself. Like every year since 2004, I have spent the past month and a half acknowledging that I need to make room for mourning and not quite doing it. I fear the quiet moments. Sober and alone with nothing to do is a scary place. It's where I need to mourn and, incidentally, it's where I need to work. It's my past and my future and staying present to it is a nightmare. What is so scary in the stillness? In the stillness lies the truth. When I was 17, the truth was that my mom was dying, clamoring for life, for me, in pain, disoriented, scared, alone, and dying. I was there to witness her death because she fought for one more day. I was absent while she was dying because I was scared and nothing can ever change that. Now, the truth that emerges from the stillness is that she will never forgive me in this life. I don't want forgiveness on her behalf -- "I forgive you," is hers and hers alone
Well, at least two.