Of Two Minds

I give thanks to everything  that  took this breath before me.  I seek remembrance that we are one.  Please send me the willingness to let go of my fears  that  I may wrap myself in Love.  May each step be guided by Collective Liberation.  Save me from selfishness and suspicion.  May I honor the Universe within and without. --------- day 22  #pandowrimo  @adriennemareebrown  Post pandemic, how are we envisioning and creating collective/communal living? -  @lettuce.bee.free  

I’ve met you before.  You scared me. I learned not to trust you. And now you come to me hand open as though I would take it You come to me  Fully Aware   — you seem to suggest — of the Hell you dragged me through And you say  we need each other. That my salvation  comes at the cost of Forgiveness. I am only angry  because  I know you’re right. I know you’re right  because  I’ve been telling you to Fuck Off  for years  and I’m exactly as scared as I was. So ok. I’ll try it your way and see  what happens  when we join hands.  -------------- Day 23  #pandowrimo   @adriennemareebrown  So much broke when the sickness came. So much unraveled. What was mended in that time? Socks? Relations? What was woven anew?  @yourfriendkat  

“Pareto Optimality” is the “virtue” upheld by economists that positions growth as the only salve for material suffering. “Methodological individualism” is the lens that positions individual productivity as the only method to arrive at growth. And now we can tell ourselves these lies: I - It is my responsibility to sacrifice my well being such that others might have enough  (it is necessary that my life be unsustainable) II - If I have enough — or an excess — it is because I have earned it.  (a sustainable existence is only justified by earning it through a system known to be racist, sexist, ablest, classist, etc. but believed to be meritocratic) III - Our economy must grow to guarantee there is enough, but if the impoverished don’t capture the spoils of the growth, the fault is their own. Our teachings help our students believe that they are only worth of the necessities of life if they can afford them … and that they must sacrifice the few remaining uncommodified necessities ...

now we call them the foolish prophets, the misdirected, or to combine two old economist jokes: the dismal philosophers. but at the time they were the keepers of the dominant paradigm. it is unknown, still, how many practitioners believed their own teachings or if they lived as jaded puppeteers, shooing away most with integrals and expensive textbooks while inviting the rest into a lucrative life time of blue button ups and platitudes. scarcity had long been eradicated, but was obscured by the assumptions within the sacred texts. the keepers of the dominant paradigm asserted that we lived in the best possible world and, in this utopia, there was not enough. the puppets (then called politicians) made sure to remind the populace of this fact in times of high misfortune while also passing resources to the beneficiaries (banks, mostly). by the end of The Invisible Age, the hypocrisy was lazily concealed but this way of life was so entrenched that the cycle continued on far beyond its unmask...

clairsentience.  (the new experience of the word near.)  in the silence we got stronger. without physical contact or hearing breath graze nose hairs; watching pixelated impressions of eyebrows bumble across smudged screens,  we strained to understand the meaning— the feeling behind words  arrested by spotty connections. so our capacity to understand grew.  in the open space,  6 inches around our bodies,  where pedestrians would have been abruptly changing direction. the open space in our armpits kindly trying not to face your nose on the subway. in these open spaces that had once been full, sensations erupted. i felt your fear and held it in my shoulder. you felt my gratitude and twisted it in your fingers. i will never forget  the first hug i felt through zoom.  as time wore on, the silence filled up with lovers quarrels, worries, frustrations, needs. neighbors, roommates, coworkers, family ...

Pain is a signal from our bodies to tell our brains that we should probably check something out. It is also a reminder that, after we have addressed the issue, we are still in repair and should not overdo it. This pain is helpful. Thank you, pain. Sometimes pain lingers and treatment is not available or available treatment is ineffective. This pain sits and reminds you to do a task that can’t be completed. Sometimes, pain continues even though there is no evident reason for it. This pain reminds you to do a task that doesn’t need doing. This type of pain is harder to thank. But its existence cannot be changed. Do you remember that time your hand got slammed in a door and someone asked if you were okay but you couldn’t respond because there were only red diamonds and magma light? There wasn’t much to do about it but eventually that pain faded. Do you know what you would be like if it didn’t? Can you accept something you cannot thank? How many impossible things can you believe before bre...

without tests and treatments, we remembered how to listen to our wise bodies. wise sour stomachs whisper for peppermint and ginger. wise nervous systems call for skullcap, turmeric, and pepper. wise feet take our wise backs for walks. wise hands planted rosemary last spring that they may now crush sticky green needles in offering to the tension in our wise temples. ha! and then we remembered to release the tension in our Temples. movement offerings to align our chakras and cleanse our meridians. meditation offerings to rest our minds and stretch our spirits. from each according to their ability to each according to their need we healed. abandoned by “the health care system,” we sought diagnoses in the wisdom of our bodies and treatment in the generosity of the flora and fauna about us. this wisdom has been cultivated through so much careful, measured research carried out over centuries… millennia! — the long way — the slow way — the way things grow when we are patient. sustainably. har...

My heart has been breaking. Today, I pulled the Tower card. I have been feeling alone — heartache tastes like rejection to me. Today, a friend told me that their heart was breaking too and showed me that I was in good company. I have been terrified of being alone with my mind… afraid that if I lean on the Universe, I will withdraw altogether. Today, my therapist reminded me that when I embrace my oneness with the Universe, I am more available to the people around me. I have been overwhelmed by the love of the Universe and the Grace in my days, bringing confusion to the pain. Today, I told a friend how I was feeling and they told me that they had all the space for my feelings and helped me hold them. I have been confused by the heart ache because I can’t find all the sources. Today, a friend told me the rules of feelings, including that I don’t need to know the source in order to feel them. I have felt nervous to take care of myself. Today, a friend sat with me virtually while I accompl...

if time is nonlinear, why is hindsight so much clearer than foresight? so many mistakes. what was the connection? so many missed chances to do the right thing. so many alternate universes, forking off every which way from a gnarled path. but no. this universe. this one. this diseased one. this endangered one. this warring one. this heartbroken universe generated by the failure to follow directions. what was the direction? what is the fatal flaw? what is the connection? between all the choices that created this universe. flawed universe. unstable universe. so many wrong choices must have something in common.  ///you didn’t listen/// . . . what?  ///you didn’t listen, pass it back///  what?? ///it’s not a habit. it’s not a perversion and it’s not an achilles heel. you just didn’t listen///  what???  ///ok yeah, thats what i said. tl;dr the universe is talking to you and everyone else, like, all the time. you didn’t single-handedly fuck up all and time of space bec...

the messenger stood in front of the crowd and stretched out a scroll. she read aloud, "the crisis is not over population. to be clear. earth enjoys to be populated. indeed earth is less populated than earth would like to be. that is, to be clear, part of the crisis. "the crisis is also not humanity, as such. earth was -- and is!-- in general quite pleased about humanity. indeed earth has quite a bit less humanity than it would like. "with less precision we can say, too, that humans," emphasizing the second syllable, "are not the crisis." "i'm sorry," the messenger paused, rubbing her forehead. she held the scroll to her side and after several moments rambled freely... "this whole thing... we are so sorry. we really didn't want it to come to this. and, listen, i am not asking you to make sense of your losses -- we love how precious your lives are to you! i just... ok..." she took a deep breath and began reading again. ...