Tree pose, if held long enough, can be either a zen grounding experience or an infuriating exercise in patience. It's a balancing pose on one leg where the raised foot fixes firmly to the standing leg. Or firm-ish.
One thing I really like about yoga is that every studio and every teacher at each class says things slightly differently and puts the focus somewhere different. Sometimes to get into tree pose you move from standing, to shifting your weight to one side, to slowly moving your weightless foot up your standing leg. Other times you raise one knee to waist height and, after you've found balance, you place your raised foot against your standing leg.
One thing that is very confusing about yoga is that yoga teachers have a habit of telling you to do things that either a) only very advance students will be able to flirt with or b) are helpful in visualization, but not actually something you will do. A key word to listen for is "maybe." If a yoga teacher says "maybe" you are likely in one of these situations. A key phrase to listen for is "some day." When paired with "maybe" this usually means that we are in the first situation, as in, "some day, maybe even feeling your neck flatten against the mat." Sometimes you can tell right away this is just for visualization as in "maybe even stretching so far forward to touch the front wall." Sometimes yoga teachers will use "some day" to trick you into visualizing something your body isn't shaped for, although maybe I guess it's possible. Other times, yoga teachers abandon all convention and it is less clear what the degree of possibility is, as in, "standing leg: fixed, solid, one piece, like lamp post" one teacher liked to say during tree pose.
Recently, while in tree pose, a different yoga teacher told us that while we will never stop wobbling, the goal is to make our wobbles smaller. We work to enhance our ability to locate that place where we feel balance and move around that point in increasingly smaller movements. After years of hoping to suddenly click into leg like lamp post, this was mind blowing.
I struggle with self-defeating endulgences. When I'm not smoking, I'm drinking too much. When I'm not drinking too much, I'm eating food that makes my skin break out and makes me throw up in my mouth a little. When I'm not eating the wrong food, I'm spending too much money. And one time, for like a week, I wasn't doing any of these things, and I was really really struggling with not spending all day in yoga so that I wouldn't have enough time to get my work done.
When I imagine the life that I'm striving towards, it's one where I take care of myself. I eat the right food. I exercise but not so much that it interferes with my work. I spend only conservatively and explore spirituality. I am open to and in contact with my relatives and loved ones. And maybe, some day, I'll hear from my mom again.
I have been having more frequent dreams about my mom recently. But not the old ones... where I would wake up having "realized" that I hadn't called my mom since I'd been in Boston and not understanding why I didn't even know her number.
Last night, I had a dream that mom insisted we move in together and, while we were talking in our new house, I was all like "Aughh mommmmmmmm you're soooo embarassinngggg. I want to go play with my freindssss gawwwdddd." Cuz there was a party. So she was like "alright" and she put a camera in a blue balloon so she could see everything, for better or worse, that happened at the party. Over the past year or so I've been having dreams of this type where, whether or not I want to, my mom helps me make the decision to go hang out with other people.
It is interesting to think that it may never stop hurting. It is interesting to think that I may never stop making cake with rich, sugary frosting and eating the whole thing (mostly by myself) in two days. It is interesting to think that I may never perfectly parcel out my time between work and friends and myself. And it is interesting to think that I may never stop wobbling in tree pose. But even if all of this is true, I can still work to locate that place where I feel balance and make my wobbles smaller.
One thing I really like about yoga is that every studio and every teacher at each class says things slightly differently and puts the focus somewhere different. Sometimes to get into tree pose you move from standing, to shifting your weight to one side, to slowly moving your weightless foot up your standing leg. Other times you raise one knee to waist height and, after you've found balance, you place your raised foot against your standing leg.
One thing that is very confusing about yoga is that yoga teachers have a habit of telling you to do things that either a) only very advance students will be able to flirt with or b) are helpful in visualization, but not actually something you will do. A key word to listen for is "maybe." If a yoga teacher says "maybe" you are likely in one of these situations. A key phrase to listen for is "some day." When paired with "maybe" this usually means that we are in the first situation, as in, "some day, maybe even feeling your neck flatten against the mat." Sometimes you can tell right away this is just for visualization as in "maybe even stretching so far forward to touch the front wall." Sometimes yoga teachers will use "some day" to trick you into visualizing something your body isn't shaped for, although maybe I guess it's possible. Other times, yoga teachers abandon all convention and it is less clear what the degree of possibility is, as in, "standing leg: fixed, solid, one piece, like lamp post" one teacher liked to say during tree pose.
Recently, while in tree pose, a different yoga teacher told us that while we will never stop wobbling, the goal is to make our wobbles smaller. We work to enhance our ability to locate that place where we feel balance and move around that point in increasingly smaller movements. After years of hoping to suddenly click into leg like lamp post, this was mind blowing.
I struggle with self-defeating endulgences. When I'm not smoking, I'm drinking too much. When I'm not drinking too much, I'm eating food that makes my skin break out and makes me throw up in my mouth a little. When I'm not eating the wrong food, I'm spending too much money. And one time, for like a week, I wasn't doing any of these things, and I was really really struggling with not spending all day in yoga so that I wouldn't have enough time to get my work done.
When I imagine the life that I'm striving towards, it's one where I take care of myself. I eat the right food. I exercise but not so much that it interferes with my work. I spend only conservatively and explore spirituality. I am open to and in contact with my relatives and loved ones. And maybe, some day, I'll hear from my mom again.
I have been having more frequent dreams about my mom recently. But not the old ones... where I would wake up having "realized" that I hadn't called my mom since I'd been in Boston and not understanding why I didn't even know her number.
Last night, I had a dream that mom insisted we move in together and, while we were talking in our new house, I was all like "Aughh mommmmmmmm you're soooo embarassinngggg. I want to go play with my freindssss gawwwdddd." Cuz there was a party. So she was like "alright" and she put a camera in a blue balloon so she could see everything, for better or worse, that happened at the party. Over the past year or so I've been having dreams of this type where, whether or not I want to, my mom helps me make the decision to go hang out with other people.
It is interesting to think that it may never stop hurting. It is interesting to think that I may never stop making cake with rich, sugary frosting and eating the whole thing (mostly by myself) in two days. It is interesting to think that I may never perfectly parcel out my time between work and friends and myself. And it is interesting to think that I may never stop wobbling in tree pose. But even if all of this is true, I can still work to locate that place where I feel balance and make my wobbles smaller.
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